February 04, 2005

Armadillo Added to Chinese Zodiac System

It seems what the advocates of the Age of Aquarius couldn't do, add another sign to the astrological calendar, Chinese astrologers have. Starting in 2006, the Chinese Zodiac System will add the Armadillo to the already eclectic combination of animals in the current system. Armadillo will help out the Tiger who was previously forced to marry someone either too young or too old. The rat will also benefit by getting a new friend, while the Horse will have a new enemy.

The organization who decided to make the change in accordance with approval from the Chinese government, Zodiac Marketing, told reporters that there were too many Oxes and that the Tiger was getting neurotic from lonliness. When asked whether a "new year" would be added to history, a spokeman for Zodiac Marketing answered, "[guffawing] Don't be silly! You see, now you can decide. People born in example, 1973 will have the choice. If they want to be an Ox, be an Ox. If they want to be an Armadillo, go for it. The other years have had it much better for too long ... like the Snake who is so go-lucky. I don't think we'll have many problems with the implementation." Our spokesman, on a side-note, is an Ass.

So eat lot's of Chinese this year so we can go through those stacks of placemats. Us Horses, Dogs and Rabbits can't wait to see the new ones when we head to Gold Buffet in 2006. A Monkey on the board of directors for Zodiac Marketing said in a playful way that "we'll still be able to mock those Ox slash Armadillos. I mean, look at them for God's sake, they're both ridiculous!"


  • At Saturday, February 5, 2005 at 6:12:00 AM EST, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You may be posting material that finds its way into the next Cambrian Society Manifesto, Documentary, or Handbook, Der Flounder has spoken again.

    PS: Is this true or just BS (blog stuff)? If true, beware! By the laws of symmetry, they will have to add 11 more creatures to complete the Zodiac. Let's set up a committee to pick the rest.


Post a Comment

<< Home