April 03, 2005

Jelly Beans: King of Flavor Festivals

Staring covetously into our children's Easter baskets year after year, we forget to ask ourselves the question: Why do jelly beans get to have so many fun flavors? Out of all the candy produced in the world, as far as I know, only jelly beans get to come in such an array of flavors, followed narrowly by lollipops and candy canes.

As a naive teen, my first job was working in an old fashioned style print shop. To further authenticate the rustic feel, we sold candy canes in glass jars. I always thought that sassafras and all the berry flavors offered were so deliciously unusual. But now, staring into the tempting nest of fake grass and plastic eggs, I think how simplistic, how unoriginal sassafras stands in the face of my personal favorite, "buttered popcorn". It doesn't even stop there... someone show me a jalapeno flavored lollipop. Where are your cantaloupe, orange juice, strawberry jam and cafe latte canes?

And so many of us, are overcome by the tempestuous chocolates that parade themselves on grocery shelves, so brazen, so easy, while jelly beans, in their festive eclection, stand by watching. These beans that could calm the bloody wars of the world by their shocking match to true flavors. Perhaps these beans could winterize the red, screaming faces of politicians like Zell Miller and Howard Dean with their symphony of flavors.

Like the endearing movie, Super Troopers

we justifiably proclaim that "crushed pineapple tastes like crushed pineapple" as the young man in the movie did that "These schnozberries taste like schnozberries.".

Without breaking into a song and dance or ode, I'm afraid little more can be said of these fine and tasty ovals.


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