English Professor Goes "Stark Raving Mad"

The following has been obtained through anonymous measures:

Professor T. Barnaby's English 101 Weekly Syllabus: March 28-April 1

Monday, March 28:

Write a half to one page typed, free form poem about any topic that comes to mind throughout your day today. Turn this into my mailbox by the end of the day (7 p.m.).

Tuesday, March 29:

Ok. I noticed a lot of poems about unrequited love and expressions of sadness. That's fine, but let's try to be a little more creative. Think about how the phrase, "you make me feel so blue" sounds boring compared to, "you thread my fibers into your pain web". Turn this into my mailbox by the end of the day (7 p.m.).

Wednesday, March 30:

So, I'm seeing a little more creativity. For example, Evan wrote, "and while you asked for no fruit from the garden, I grew flowers for you." It may or may not have been approached like that before, but you can still tell that he's thinking a little harder than just, "all I think about is you." The only problem is the rest of you. I counted the phrase, "This darkness makes me want to die" in more than seven of your poems and "Your love is like a rose" over ten. I mean, think to yourself, "have I heard this phrase?", or "might I have heard this phrase?". For your next assignment, you can use any words but, "love" to express "love" and "sad" to express "sad". Please, also check to make sure that you aren't unintentionally stealing lines from the latest Neptune single.

Thursday, March 31:

Alright, let's be honest with each other. Have any of you even tried to express yourselves with an original thought this week? Just because I said don't use the word, "love" doesn't mean that you should have the gall to say it in over 15 poems this exact way, "I like you so much, I don't know what to do. Maybe, I should just die." Seriously, are all of you actually that enamored with someone right now? Isn't college a little more carefree than that? I don't know, maybe I'm just getting old. So, all I need tomorrow is five original sentences. Don't even try to tie them together. Just think, "something new". And try this, don't use the words, "like", "gift", "soul", "kiss", "hold", "dream", "die", "suicide", "soft" or, for the love of God, "blood".

Friday, April 1:

I will be out of the office today. I may hunt some of you down, and when I do, I don't know exactly what I'm going to do yet... Evan, you should watch out though. I placed so much hope in you, and then, you and your pseudo-Plathian-rampage, "my eyes are filled with a thousand pictures of you". What the hell is that?!! Didn't you get it? Oh, and Joshua... just run. If cliche could become one individual and that individual represented without further definition, the very essence of all that is cliche, it would be you, Joshua. You.