March 17, 2005

100% Chance of Rubber Chickens

Like the cyclical nature of life, so do rubber chickens work in circles. They slow down from 80 mph to 5 mph and as soon as they pass the totally under control accident after crawling for 30 minutes, they go back to normal. You know, like a circle. I refuse to slow down with the chickens even if it means that I have to tailgate someone (which I am totally against under all other circumstances).

Something to slow down for is a cop in the middle of the road with his hands on his hips, a car upside-down with flames shooting out of it and/or a Wells Fargo truck tipped over with money flying out of it. But these people had it all together -- four cars, neatly pulled over to the shoulder. No one hurt. Thank God... now can we move along?

Of all the words in the English language, rubbernecking fits its definition more than any other. I like adding the chicken part in there because chickens have small brains. I'm sorry to offend all those chicken lovers out there, but when you're sitting in traffic on the highway, it's great to imagine that Gus in his mini-van, has a beak and feathers as he slows down to less than 5 mph to see if there's any blood and guts. Thanks Gus. If you hadn't slowed down, I might have missed seeing those people sitting in their cars on the side of the road, waiting for a tow truck, because a person sitting in a still car is so unlike one sitting in a moving car.

I am grateful that I arrived safely. I'm glad that it wasn't me on the side of the road. I just had to tell someone about those chickens out there driving cars. For something like that, one should slow down.


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