Cherrystew

March 15, 2005

Another Prescription Drug Commercial

Everyone knows that dealing with a stubborn, pig-head every single day of your life can make you want to pour Tabasco sauce in your eyes. Chances are that if you get two days out of a month without the pinhead(s) in your life making you want to die, you're having a great month.

If there was a prescription that could change your unbearable loved one into a cuddly teddy bear, wouldn't you ask your doctor about it?

Exactly! This is why we're here to tell you about Bacoffbastardin [bak-off-bas-tard-in]. You see, Bacoffbastardin eliminates what doctors recently discovered to be actual "jerk cells". The cells that make your loved one a total bastard are the ones that Bacoffbastardin kills... forever.

[Cut to happy couple with kids running around]
Woman: Thank you Bacoffbastardin. Before Bacoffbastardin, Lenny here would spontaneously yell about stupid stuff. You know, just anything he could wrap his manipulative skull around.

Man: She's right. Without Bacoffbastardin, I would be making fun of my little one's speech impediment right now and squeezing my wife's elbow hard every time she says something dumb.

Child [smiling and hugging Man]: I'm gad dat Daddy takes Bagoffbatard!

Call the number below right away to ask your doctor whether he himself has started taking Bacoffbastardin (and for free samples). With a slip the mickey of the hand you can make all the bastards you know just melt away. After starting Bacoffbastardin, you will notice results within three weeks.

Side effects include, but are not limited to: lack of appetite, overeating, drooling, random bleeding, tooth decay, uncontrollable crying, missing limbs, cleft chin, greasy hair, loss of balance, staring, skipping (as in frolicking), left nostril bloating, right nostril withering, ear infections, loss of hair, knee drop, dry mouth, dry rot, forehead swelling, feeling of euphoria, feeling of depression, excessive mucus, sharp nails, reversal of belly button, clammy feet, headaches, low talking, dreams that one is God, shutdown of the liver, blindness, lisp, fevers, growth of extra taste buds and inflation of the pancreas.

When calling, don't forget to ask about Bichelimnor [bi-tch-e-lim-nor] for women!

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