March 20, 2005

Take-Out Debate on Capitol Hill

Emergency Congressional hearings held this evening regarding the removal of a feeding tube from the Florida woman, Terri Schiavo, who has been in a "persistent vegetative state" for over a decade, were momentarily put on the back burner by take-out menu selections. For over an hour of the three designated to weigh the facts of Schiavo's case, lawmakers were engaged in a fervent debate over whether to order from an Italian sub shop or a Chinese take-out. The meeting, which took most away from the beginning of their Spring Breaks, started at 9:00 p.m this evening. The Representatives were mostly cranky and hungry after flying from various parts of the country to make a quick decision regarding Mrs. Schiavo, whose starvation began this past Friday.

One panicky Representative said, "We're running out of time... Leonardo's stops delivering after 10:30 on Sundays and China Palace stops at 11:00. If we don't hurry up and order something, none of us will eat tonight!"

Several of our reporters asked if they had made any progress regarding Mrs. Schiavo. A Representative from Florida answered, "I think most of us are leaning towards Chinese. It may not stick with us, but it's also getting late. I don't really want heavy pasta sitting in my stomach all night if this takes more than three hours."

Another who heard the remark from his peer replied, "Well, some of us didn't have a 20 course brunch this morning. I didn't have anything before church and then I found out that I was coming here. All I had was a bag of peanuts. A fat meatball sub is exactly what I could use right now."

In a flash of rare insight, one House member suggested ordering from both places " that those who were hungry for Italian, would get what they wanted, and those who were hungry for Chinese, would get Chinese."


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