New Coke Product Released!

The Coca-Cola Company, Monday, released their most innovative beverage to date. Although a huge debate permeated their corporate headquarters regarding the name of the new drink due to the chemists who created the soda not clearly communicating with the advertising department about the drink's shocking contents, Coke did not have to keep us in suspense long. With the lab creation to its placement on store shelves only taking three months, "Just One" which will be advertised as "Just One Coke" is Coca-Cola's new high-birth-weight baby. Shareholders first thought the name would limit consumption of the new drink until they learned more about the contents. "Just One" is the first cola product by Coca-Cola or any other soft drink producer to have in its ingredients, the entire recommended calorie intake one needs for a single day. Boasting a hefty 1,500 calories, the drink meets the maximum for women and the minimum for men. Makers of "Just One" thought perhaps this would lead to a gender split with the drink, so rumors of "Just One Women" and "Just One Men" are floating their way to the media. So far, there is no talk of "Just One Kids".

The FDA had little to say about the high calorie/zero nutritional content of the new soda. Do we smell a pay-off? Marketing tests revealed that most actually feel full after having the drink for up to 6 hours, while other bodies still needed solids. A small percentage of those tested were instantly flown to the nearest hospital for severe vomiting.

Coca-Cola released this comment Monday morning: "We are so excited about "Just One". After releasing Coke Zero, we saw the gap in the market just staring us right in the face... some people want the calories -- something that will keep them from consuming other things, like food and beer. Another thing, we know that small children that already drink our regular Coke are going to love this because there's actually three times the caffeine in "Just One"."