April 12, 2005

Would Jesus Hunt Online?

That's right everyone. Our children can play Grand Theft Auto, but the world is ending because someone out there wants to hunt virtually. What will the Supreme Court say? What would Jesus do? It's funny how something that is legal in real life could even possibly, in the least, become illegal online. I guess you shouldn't hunt for animals online that you can't hunt for legally in reality. Wow. How long have we been hunting ourselves in video games? I remember becoming a ninja on a TRS-80 in the eighties. I started killing evil Ninjas at the age of 7. Now they're letting us kill animals... virtually?!!! Oh My God!

Please let me interupt you for this breaking news update:
I'm sorry to be the one to tell everyone last terrible bit of news you'll ever hear... A vortex, which scientists are calling the final evidence they'll ever need to prove that black holes exist, opened up Tuesday morning after The Chattanoogan reported an article so ridiculous (Effort to Outlaw Online Hunting), that the Universe could no longer support the human race.

Sorry for all the drama. But, if you really want to know what should be illegal, you should go to Harrisonburg, Virginia, which on a clear, pleasant day will often smell like dog food, which in college, we so originally used to call, "Dog Food Days". Now, this isn't the crime in and of itself. The real crime is having to drive behind one of the chicken trucks which are filled with all the hungry-for-chicken-feed-chickens. Imagine feathers and the smell of semi-rotting chickens squished into little cages. Do I still eat chicken? Chicken Link Well, yes, but like every pseudo naturalist says... "at least I buy free-range eggs"...

You could play Spot-the-Crime with the previous paragraph all day long if you wanted. The point is that I'd rather have a hunter learn how to perfect their shots online -- Live-Shot (whether it's on a panda bear or a bald eagle) than listen to a poorly shot deer cry out in the forest... and certainly rather than driving behind a semi of sardined, zombie chickens.


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