Biology Professor Admits His Origin Unknown

In a rare T.V. appearance on the cable news show, The S***s and Giggles Stop Here, Dr. Varmit clearly admitted that his knowledge of the universe's creation stopped about 5 billion years ago. When asked where he believed the matter needed to create the universe came from he replied, "We are still applying and trying theories on this matter. One thing is sure though. It wasn't any kind of God." Despite protests by the T.V. show's host, Bill McGillicutty, that since neither the theory of intelligent design nor that of evolution had been totally proven, neither could be disproved, the professor refused to be convinced.

Immediately after the show, Dr. Varmit vanished in what looked like a cloud of giant, imploding models of atoms. Witnesses say that his disappearance either proved that God was watching, got angry and let the man evaporate or that Dr. Varmit's theories or lack thereof, made it impossible that he could have ever been allowed to become a professor in the first place which in effect, made him disappear into the nothingness from which all was not begotten. Witnesses believing the latter theory also quickly vanished. Chief Sarge said he believed Dr. Varmit disappeared due to a mistaken case of reality.