February 05, 2005

Astrologers, Mathematicians Argue Over New Zodiac

We reported to you recently about the addition of the Armadillo to the Chinese Zodiac. Now reports are coming out of a raging debate between the sponsor of the Armadillo, Zodiac Marketing, and Zodiac-R-Us (an astrology think tank out of Seattle, WA). Rudolph Wong, Vice President of Zodiac-R-Us and a Pig, told us Friday that, "Zodiac's plan is going to be a failure. You must balance out the wheel. If you add the Armadillo, you must have eleven other new animals to even things out. And why an Armadillo? Do we even have those in China?"

Wong proposes that a summit is carried out to discuss which animals would best compliment the other eleven signs. Already critics of both companies are wondering if anything would match with the Dragon and even more are wondering if the Armadillo was really a good match for the Ox. Professor Flounder of Better Astrology and Bonsai was most critical in an interview recently when he said, "You've got to be kidding me. They want a thirteenth animal? They might as well just double the whole wheel." Some believe that Professor Flounder's comments of disbelief may actually be what prompted Zodiac-R-Us to propose the "doubling" of the wheel.

Whether the summit, tentatively to be held in March, will debunk 12 new animals or just the underdog, Armadillo, Zodiac enthusiasts are already having fun brainstorming about which animals would be the best choices. Some favorites so far include, the Ferret, Lobster, Unicorn, Panda and/or Koala Bear, Crocodile, Butterfly, Cockroach, Flying Fish and Yoda.


  • At Monday, February 7, 2005 at 9:30:00 AM EST, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Did someone fail to mention Jar Jar Binx? What about calamari? Is the fava bean really an animal? What is this prejudice with the animal kingom? Why not 12 plants for the new Zodiac? Then the Vegans could really get into this.

    Major Motion
    (picture me riding a giant snail)

  • At Monday, February 7, 2005 at 12:54:00 PM EST, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "Battle Bot: The Future of War?"
    Christian Science Monitor (01/27/05) P. 14 ; Lamb,
    Gregory M.

    Military strategy could undergo a dramatic
    transformation if the majority of fighting is carried
    out by robots, a vision that will be one step closer
    to reality when semi-autonomous "battle bots" that
    fire weapons are deployed in Iraq this spring. U.S.
    armed forces are hoping robots can reduce casualties,
    lower costs, and improve mission performance. Robots
    already in use in Iraq include the missile-firing
    Predator unmanned reconnaissance aircraft and
    bomb-disposal machines such as the PackBot, which can
    climb stairs, negotiate rough terrain, and grip
    objects. Research and development is also proceeding
    on Robot Extraction Vehicles that can retrieve injured
    soldiers from the front lines, and automated machines
    that can perform reconnaissance, supply
    transportation, and perimeter protection. Battle-bot
    technology is being primarily driven by the
    simplification and improvement of off-the-shelf
    components such as global positioning systems, which
    are cheap enough to make proprietary system
    development increasingly unnecessary. Battle bots
    cannot become fully autonomous until their vision
    systems are advanced enough to both perceive and
    interpret their surroundings, and the Defense Advanced
    Research Projects Agency plans to spur progress in
    this field through a "grand challenge" to develop
    unmanned vehicles that can successfully traverse a
    175-mile off-road course on their own. Analyst John
    Pike notes that fewer soldiers could be needed in the
    field with robots in place, but warns that the
    machines could emotionally distance their operators
    from the business of warfare. He also wonders whether
    war would become easier, especially if other countries
    develop battle bots of their own. He says, "What would
    it look like if millions of Chinese robots came
    crawling out of the Pacific Ocean and started storming
    across California?"

    So whatta about that! Dr. Zambonie


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