Cherrystew

December 19, 2005

Chattanooga Braces for Another Faulty News Report

According to news reports by local weather persons, Chattanooga, Tennessee should have experienced an uncharacteristic amount of winter precipitation by now. The truth is that the only true flakes have either been seen on the nearby ridges and mountain tops, or from the scalps of moisture-hungry heads. That's right. It's dry here, and the prediction of precipitation on Sunday was most heinously unfulfilled by clear blue skies and sunshine. (Sunday was supposed to be another snow maker.) And, that's just one of the faulty reports of "snow" that have been brought forth this December of 2005.

Here are a few things that are more likely to happen than snow in Chattanooga, TN:

1. Goats ordered by mail to consume the out-of-control kudzu

2. Bus drivers get a raise

3. A third Starbucks opens in the Nooga's Hixson suburb

4. Rains meatballs and pancakes

5. Road crews start to adequately mark construction

They say that they're overdue for a major snow storm. It could happen and has before (about eleven years ago according to local legend). I guess that's why it's in the forecast every five minutes. Because weather, as we know, is so predictable and likes to stick to a regimented schedule.

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