January 22, 2005

Breakfast of the Anti-Christ

Well folks, after years of searching the back alleys of snake-charming churches and front rows of heavy metal concerts, a breakthrough has been made in the search for the anti-christ. Skeptics may even have to agree on this finding.

Yesterday, at a Cracker Barrel in Chattanooga, Tennessee, a man mysteriously appeared at table thirteen and ordered a chicken and egg biscuit with a side of livers. The server who apparently told the guest that they only have fried livers on the dinner menu says that her stomach turned when the strange man turned to her and said, "I didn't say I wanted them fried." The 20 year-old server quickly turned the table over to the only person who would take it, her temporary manager, Ozzie Osborne, who at the time was being filmed for the newest reality show, "Get Me a Real Job".

Skeptics believe that the mysterious man with the twisty goatee was all part of the reality show's attempt to spruce up the mundane reality the writers had chosen. However, the directors actually fired a couple of the scene managers over what a camera man said was an uncontrollable urge to film at table 13.

The eeriest aspect of the story has turned out to be not the goatee or even the raw chicken livers, but the ordering of a chicken AND egg biscuit. A regular at Cracker Barrel said, "You know, everyone orders a chicken biscuit sometimes and everyone orders an egg biscuit sometimes, but ordering the chicken and the egg together, man that's kind of weird. It's like something you would do if you're a serial killer.... you know, like saying [loud and theatrical] I'm gonna catch both of ya', and them I'm gonna eat you together on a single sandwich for breakfast!"


  • At Monday, January 24, 2005 at 7:47:00 AM EST, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Is it allies or alleys. A clever pun if intended. Bad spelling if not.

    Suggested response from you: Hey! It's my blog! You figure out what I meant.

  • At Monday, January 24, 2005 at 7:49:00 AM EST, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Just talking to myself. Is it allies or alleys is a question, idiot. Use a question mark.

    Maybe she meant "black allies" or "black alleys" or both?

  • At Monday, January 24, 2005 at 3:10:00 PM EST, Blogger Clarissa said…

    I think what I meant was book aisles... or maybe I meant look outs. No, that wouldn't make sense. Some suggested I meant the famous Bloke Agnus from Spinoke, Ireland.

    Anything but a spelling error, even the terrifying Bloke Agnus. Now, he would be an Alley to have.


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