Stylus Transactions Pen Revenge

A fed-up shopper at a department store was checked out this past Saturday before anyone noticed what "signature" he had used to pay for $563.00 of merchandise. An angry Newton, (last name withheld), from Seattle, WA, screamed at our reporters that he was tired of his signature, "...turning out like a gelatinous vomit clot" and that this time he was going to "...show them exactly where they can complete the transaction."

Popular with grocery stores and numerous retail centers, the electronic stylus has made checkouts quicker and easier to track. Unfortunately, the styluses wear down quickly and often produce signatures that make it look like your arm is being grabbed by a mischievous monkey while you're writing.

Stylus-meisters, like Howard Knots of Stylus Inc., claim that the technology is moving so fast that 95% of the stores you visit already have new styluses on order. Or is that "stylusi"? Mr. Knots promises new styluses that will obey the natural touch of the human hand much more than the current ones. "Just make sure that you try," urges Mr. Knots. "That's all we're asking. Don't be another S.A. like this guy in Seattle."