October 12, 2005

Satan Says: "I Wish I Was an Oil Company Executive"

Earlier this week, Mephistopheles exhibited signs of two of his favorite deadly sins, envy and greed, when he was asked what his opinion is about the escalation of oil prices: "You know, it's kind of like those rich minimalist artists," began Satan. "You just wish you would have thought of that because they make it look so easy. The oil tycoons are doing the same thing. No matter that they're increasing their net profits anywhere from 20% to 50% from the past four years. What they're really insinuating to the entire country is, 'Got Gas?' with this totally delicious, greedy smile and getting away with it. Even environmentalists are beginning to say, 'Go, Global Warming, Go!' just so they won't have to turn the heat on as much this winter."

The Devil seemed offended when our reporters asked him whether he would be hiring any oil executives as consultants on how to be more evil, greedy and heartless. "It's not my fault that they didn't go through me first. Somehow they just totally excelled in their evil-ness and ran with this oil gig. Anyway, I can't be in every place, or in this case, every gas station at once, you know," fumed Satan. "What I might have to start asking myself is, 'how did I miss out on this action?' But honestly, if they were to actually come and work under me I don't know if I could take it. I'd be wondering the whole time, 'if they're content to screw-over the entire country, how can I trust 'em?'"


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