Public Notice: Reminder of Our Dear Leader's Birthday Month

Now that you're all listening, I'd like to share some of the cheer that emanated from our Dear Leader, Kim Jong Il's birthday party.

If you were lucky, you were able to collect some of the fine memorabilia that our Dear Leader made mandatorily available to us. Besides t-shirts, buttons, framed photos, lunch boxes and headbands with our Dear Leader's face, you may have gotten a glimpse of him on the bottle caps of specially marked bottles of Kim Soda. Please remember that all underpants will be checked at undisclosed checkpoints for the month of our Dear Leader's birthday to make sure that all iron-ons of his face have been applied properly.

Did you know that our Dear Leader made 11 holes in one on his first golfing adventure? Did you know that our Dear Leader has climbed to the tips of arctic mountains by himself with no jacket? That he has a special place made for him in the after life - the chair of God himself? That our Dear Leader has discovered the cures for cancer, aids and can heal by laying on hands? And did you know that our Dear Leader invented the Earth?

Please wear as much Kim Jong Il "flair" as possible for the remainder of his very special birthday month. And please, please do not think for a moment that you do not love our Dear Leader with all of your heart which only beats because of the mercy that he has had on us. Thank you for mandatorily listening.