May 30, 2005

Poison/Phish Tour Confuses Fans, Music Industry

For Phish it will be a reunion, and for Poison fans, well, it would have been another Poison tour if a rambling daydream hadn't been turned into what some are calling an unholy, Frankenstein idea of a tour. Others just keep thinking, wow, Phish is coming back... coming back with Poison.

"The novelty of saying "The Poison Phish Tour" kept going through my head. I was like, oh my God! what if we got away with it?," mused Trey Anastasio when asked about how the plans came together.

"The beauty of it," remarked C.C. DeVille, "is that probably 95% of the fan base for both bands hates the other... and now we're forcing them together. It's like when Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson were in Anger Management - everyone felt a little nauseous trying to picture it and then it turned out so raging funny."

Music authorities like Rolling Stone Magazine claim that the opening band for a tour such as this would have to be construed of mostly schizophrenic members. One writer, who wanted to remain anonymous, said that "...all he could imagine opening up for this ill-matched pipe dream would be Mick Jagger and Michael Jackson doing "State of Shock" - over and over again".

MTV jovially played on the comedic possibilities of the tour, set for Fall 2005, with the release of this statement: We are pleased that both Poison and Phish will be gracing us with their presence - together. What would be great to see is Poison opening with "Look What the Cat Dragged In" which would include a man in a giant cat costume carrying Mike Gordon (dressed as a fish) in it's mouth and if Phish opened with Fluffhead (as long as Poison didn't disappoint on the hair end of things). The possibilities will be endless if the two bands really get along enough to pull this off in the first place.

Others thought that bringing two groups of such diverse fans together without the setting of a music festival consisting of many other bands, would be treacherous. One Phish fan said that he doubted how aggressive his peers would be in getting the good seats under such conditions, "We'll be lucky to get even 5% Phish fans in the first twenty rows. I'm praying for a spot in the taper section."

A Poison fan said he was sure that there wouldn't be any conflict whatsoever, "...whichever band played first could be sure that their fans would be cleared out by the end. I don't really understand what they're trying to accomplish with this".

With a maniacal grin, Trey assured us that neither group of fans would be leaving early, "We're going to play on a rotation. The fans won't know which band is going to play next. No one's going anywhere. It's going to be like the first time someone put jelly with peanut butter... delicious."


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