Walmart: One Step Away from Owning the Universe

Something frightening occurred to me the other day... I had visited several stores in order to obtain materials for an elementary school Field Day. My shopping list was this:

poster board
giant marker
dowels or sign posts
vodka
Red Bull
cute stickers
marking spray paint

I know that you're thinking I could have bought everything I needed at Walmart minus the liquor. You're right. Instead, I went to the Dollar Tree, Home Depot, Hobby Lobby, a liquor store and Eckerd's. That's a lot of places for seven items. Almost a store per item.

Why not go to Walmart?
Well, honestly, Walmart is like a giant vampire, but instead of sucking your blood, it sucks away your soul and money with one giant straw. I try not to go there all the time because I don't want to spend the rest of the day feeling used.

The scary thing is, if Walmart did sell liquor, people wouldn't need to go anywhere else. O.k., I know there's things like lumber and designer clothes that you can't really get there, but I think you know what I mean. Basically, all shopping could really be done in one place. Imagine if they sold cars and houses too. Walmarts across the country would turn into giant black holes, sucking all the other stores into its pin size stomach (I know that this has already begun to happen in many towns, especially small ones).

And what is probably the scariest element about this story to you, the reader, is that you think that I needed vodka and Red Bull for Field Day. Don't fear, this was for after Field Day.