June 18, 2009

How I Would Delegate Tasks to My Clones (If I Could Clone Myself)

As I start this blog I have no idea of how many clones I will end up with. The main problem I foresee is related to the feeding of all my clones. I'm assuming that all of the mes would have hearty appetites like I do. So, the logic goes that I would have a few clones out there making some cash as legal secretaries, waitresses and ... hmmm - I don't know if it would even out. At least if I was a doctor, then my clones would have that ability - that's assuming that I don't have to teach all of them like in the Clone Wars when they're all young and getting educated. Ok - so these clones would know everything I know - except for the one big secret which is that me, the original, gets to do what she wants all day.

So here we go:

Three clones to clean the house. That seems like a lot, but I know how distracted they'll get.

Three clones to tend to the yard. Same problem as above.

One clone for shopping, bargain hunting, and cleaning the car.

One clone to wait tables.

One clone training to be a bartender.

Six clones as legal secretaries.

Three clones to feed all the other clones.

Three clones to do shifts with the clones above so no one gets burned out

One clone to come up with an activity schedule for clones on their day off

Three clones to teach yoga (then I really could be in two or three gyms at the same time)

Two clones to write keyword driven articles for the internet

Ten clones to build a house for all the other clones. (maybe some contractor clone could teach them how to do that)

I'm stopping at 37. This is getting sick.

June 17, 2009

I BORG Myself

Ok - so if I have this right, I've linked myself from here to


From there, back to here.

I've twittered myself at OmSnap

And from twitter, back to eHow.

It's almost like wrapping myself in a web. The pun there is so ridiculous, I take full responsibility for dizziness or nauseousness caused by it.

I know that being a part of the Borg is much more than doing multi-level advertisements of yourself on the web, but it's just the feeling that everything is a part of everything else. So, welcome to the Borg. I can say that now, right? Because, Start Trek is cool now. All these years it was so uncool to love Star Trek, then some stinking, young Hollywood actors come out from under their agent's stack of starlets and suddenly you can order official Star Trek shirts from off of your Frosted Mini Wheats cereal box. As relieved as all the Trekkies are right now, I think there's a little resentment there, too.

Thanks for all the 'ing around here. blog - twit- facebook (I forgot to Borg myself into that one) That's next.

June 11, 2009

Ehow Articles

I'm attempting to do more writing online. Why? Well, honestly I'd like a crack at some of the money pie that the Internet is still churning out. So, I'm posting my first three articles here to see if they get any views. (You wanted the truth.)

There is an added benefit - I made a cake that looked like Jupiter a few years ago. I swore that I had a picture of it on here, but it's gone missing. SOoooo, if you want to not just see it, but know how to make one, then the third ehow article below will explain all the gritty details.

Thanks for reading - and for any comments. Hopefully, I'll be posting something less gratuitous soon.

How to Set Up an Economical Baby Nursery

How to Get Thing Done with a Baby in the House

and finally...

How to Make a Cake Look Like Jupiter

By the way, as far as making money online goes... I'd really love to hear from anyone out there who can seriusly explain to me how to incorporate adwords, google adsense etc... into their work. I mean explained like you're speaking to someone from Mars, too. Don't assume that I understand anything after the first time you use "percentage" in your explanation. Thanks!

June 02, 2009

Top 10 Current, Happy Bits

10. Ridiculously long sidetracks and montages on Family Guy

9. Being completely confident that no part of me wants to try the Volcano Burrito from Taco Bell

8. The Dong Dong sound on Law and Order (but not the theme song - at all!)

7. The first Down Dog of the day

6. The fact that Yankee Doodle uses the word "macaroni".

5. A squirrel eating nuts on top of the grill - better than that - cat/squirrel fight through the sliding glass door

4. Finding out that I won a million dollars (still waiting for this one)

3. People thinking of new pet names for my cat - like "Carpet Orca" (thanks Mark)

2. Finding out that I'm not allergic to mangoes

1. Making fun of the "Under My Umbrella" song

June 01, 2009

Curiosity Keeps Disgruntled Blog Reader Coming Back

It wasn't until I pissed off a reader - well - those might be strong words, but it wasn't until I got into a pissing match/debate with a reader that I felt like I was an official writer. Maybe that's what it takes - years of writing all about this muck in my head - until finally pissing off the people who read it. I don't know why that makes it official. Thinking this through I see that it's not the making the reader mad - because to be fair, I don't think they ever really were; it's more that I made them say that were going to stop reading my blog and in so doing - they made me want to write again.

I admit that at first I felt kind of down when my reader said they were giving up on me - heading to sunnier blogs I suppose, but then - a bit of clearing occurred. There was someone out there reading my blog on a regular basis, not because they're my friends and they feel obliged to, but simply because they happened upon it. (friends and family: I certainly appreciate your support though) But, an anonymous reader - that's awesome. They even read it despite the fact that they called me out on my influences - they appropriately noted that I have bent an ear to both sides (sometimes the "wrong" side).

So, if my ex-reader has already undone their rss feeds and "email me when this blog updates," then they'll never know that I owe some of my renewed writing inspiration to them - who I hastily implied to be an upcoming psychopath. Note: I fully intend to keep my opinions about my readers to myself from now on - maybe. And to Phil - you know who you are, even though I don't know who you are, thanks.

Oh - and the title? It's just my cheeky, wishful thinking