CHERRY STEW: July 2005

Images from Discovery

We all cheered Tuesday when NASA's Discovery successfully lifted off. Thank God for the great weather which made the trip possible. Of course, "great weather" in this context only means "great" for lizards, ice melting conventions and of course the above-mentioned space shuttle lift-off. As for the rest of us, (even those who complain about over ambitious users of air conditioning) are sweating like a 6,000 pound man on a 5K run.

But we digress. The grand view of the Earth from space, which on prior shuttle launches was almost totally blotted out by a certain person's [you know who you are] mom's cushion, was this time, entirely invisible due to blockage from Jane Fonda's giant collar. (This has also hindered solar power uses by 75% in the past three months.) NASA is hoping for cooperation from both parties but holds little hope for Jane Fonda who has mysteriously worn her collar in a "Fonzi" style since the 80's.

Job Fair Rivals Quality of a HS Guidance Counselor's Advice

Above, a thoughtful totem of career and life options is displayed at the "Your Life Could Get Crappy From Here Job Fair" in Lee, MN for high school and college graduates. "We're really taking detailed, tangible steps to guide students into concrete choices by showing them top options and specific outlines, giving them ideas based on their marketable job skills and by giving them free snacks at our 2005 job fair," said organizer, Joyce Random. Tables offered sign-ups and interviews for big achievers by advertising slogans like, "Move Back in With Parents," "How to Use Welfare to Buy Concert Tickets," and "Is Identity Theft Really All that Bad?". More than 2,000 young adults turned out to drink Tang and eat hard cookies while they met older versions of themselves for the day. Attendees claim that their favorite displays were "Turning Your Friend's Mamma's Bling Bling into Dee$$$" and "5 Steps to Make eBay MeBay".